MEU CORACÂO

So I apologize in advance if this email is overly emotional because this week has been and spiritual and emotional rollercoaster.

ALRIGHT so we said goodbye to some more friends yesterday and that was so hard because I love my friends that I've made here. Sister Wilcox and I had a really good talk about what it means to say goodbye to people and how wonderful it is that we have the opportunity to love and feel heartbreak and just feel these emotions and connections to people we serve and serve with and how much greater that love will be once we're actually out in the field! How great it is to be a missionary.

And then we had proselyting on Saturday AKA they took us to this big commercial part of São Paulo to give Book of Mormons and talk to people and, really, the idea of it doesn't scare me at all, but when we got out there, I had this weird kind of panic attack where I couldn't stop crying and hyperventilating and WELL it was rough. To be honest, I felt like a failure of a missionary. I've been getting the language really well and I've loved serving the people I've met but not being able to proselyte made me feel like I shouldn't have come on a mission. But after a good pep talk with my companion, she told me that God has a plan. He knows what I can handle and He sent me here because there are people's lives I need to touch and that need to touch mine. Wow, I wish I could convey in words how I felt afterwards but let's just say much better.

So Sunday was really good (Sundays in the CTM are my favorite) and Monday was good and then last night they dropped this bomb on us: our district family that is supposed to spend six weeks together in the CTM is actually two different districts combined into one. So they send us here to train for six weeks and then we head out to the field/various parts of Brazil. Anyway, turns out that, since they don't take in missionaries in the CTM the week of Christmas, half of us are actually going to be here for seven weeks instead of six. 

And holy cow one week isn't really a big deal but after the heartbreak of saying goodbye to my other friends, the thought of saying goodbye to half my district, half my family that I've grown so close to here kind of ripped my heart apart. Maybe this is more dramatic than it should be but I can't express how much I have grown to love Sister Hales, Sister Wilcox, Sister Lyman, Elder McClary, Elder Shawkey, Elder Taylor, and Elder Forsgren.

Which kind of brings me back to the talk Sister Wilcox and I had. How wonderful it is to be able to open your heart and serve and love people! I have learned to be patient and humble and put other people above myself more in the past five weeks than, well, ever. And I am so eternally grateful that my Heavenly Father put me here, in Brazil, at this time, to meet the wonderful people I've met and love them and feel a portion of the neverending love that Christ has for them. They refer to charity in the scriptures as the pure love of Christ and HOLY COw I've learned to love these people more than anyone other than my family. I will be forever grateful that I've been blessed with this opportunity to serve a mission and be so open with who I love and WOW I can't even imagine what being out in the field will be like.

Saying goodbye to the other three sisters in my district will be so hard next week but I am so glad I have gotten to know them and I am just so so so grateful for this mission and OH MY GOODNESS I AM SORRY THIS EMAIL IS SO LONG.

I LOVE YOU ALL.

Thank you for all the support and love  ♥

Todo meu amor,

Sister Morata

P.S. Since my companion is leaving next week and I'm not I get to be a solo sister for a week AKA I won't have a companion and not planning out my day in coordination with another person is going to be SO WEIRD and slightly lonely but I know that I'll have a blast hanging out with the other three elders that get to stick around with me.